Last night’s loss for the New Jersey Devils had to be one of the most painful ways to lose a series. Forget series, it’s the hardest way to lose a hockey game PERIOD! After a decade and a half of having Martin Brodeur, Devils fans haven’t felt this feeling in a very, very long time. But it’s something that all hockey fans go through from time to time. They’ll get over it and deal with the pain that comes with such a heartbreaking loss. It’s with this in mind that we give you to the Final Death Certificate of the Devils season.
| Name of Decedent (First Name): | New Jersey Devils |
| Middle: | “I Can’t Believe Marty Just Choked” |
| Last: | 2008-09 Season |
| Also Known As (AKA): | Colorado Rockies/Kansas City Scouts |
| Date of Birth: | 6/8/72 |
| Age: | 36 since founded, 34 years of playing, 26 years in NJ |
| Sex: | After Tuesday’s game, none. |
| Birth State/Foreign Country: | Missouri |
| Social Security Number: | 666-66-6666 |
| Marital Status: | Domestic Partners with the Philadelphia Flyers (according to Rangers fans) |
| Date of Death: | 04/28/2009 |
| Hour of Death: | 22:21 |
| Usual Occupation: | Tearing up the Eastern Conference |
| Type of Business or Industry: | Hockey (formerly “Boring Trapping Hockey”) |
| Years in Occupation: | 14 |
| Decedent’s Residence: | 165 Mulberry St. |
| City: | Newark |
| County: | Essex |
| Years in County: | 1 |
| State/Foreign Country: | NJ |
| Informant’s Name, Relationship: | Mike “Doc” Emerick, Announcer |
| Informant’s Occupation: | Hall of Fame Play-By-Play guy |
| Survived By: | Carolina Hurricanes |
| Disposition Date: | 04/28/2009 (Immediately following Death) |
| Place of Final Disposition: | In the Giants Stadium end-zone next to Jimmy Hoffa |
| Cause of Death: | Blunt trauma to five-hole and blocker hand |
| Length: | 48.3 seconds |
| Other Significant Conditions Contributing to Death (1): | Gag reflex |
| Other Significant Conditions Contributing to Death (2): | Contusion to heart/ego |
| Attending Physicians: | Paul Devorski and Kevin Pollock |
Today’s Date: April 29th, 2009
Matt Reitz is the Editor-In-Chief here at ViewFromMySeats.com and former NHL Writer for ProHockeyTalk on NBCSports. When he’s not shoving a mic in the face of NHLers or explaining why home teams should wear white, he’s usually trying to figure out what song to play next on his iPod. It’s a never-ending job.
