With training camps starting around North America, fans are starting to give you their picks for the upcoming season. Like any other year, there is a feeling of excitement in just about every NHL city (my sincerest apologies to Long Island and Denver). I’m sure you’ll get to hear enough of the predictions in the coming weeks—so I wanted everyone to have their own voice heard around here. In the true gambling spirit of VFMS (we’re social degenerates, sorry), we’ve put together a few over/under bets for your viewing pleasure.
Instead of doing the boring, traditional bets like “the Canucks and Islanders will combine for 3.5 goals in their preseason game,” we went a different route. Earlier in the offseason, I wondered if the blogosphere was going to produce more or less than 73 articles about Thomas Hickey. I believe the OVER’s had won their bet by the 4th of July.
Here are a few other things that you can look forward to this season. Do you have the over? Or the under?
- Total height of the Montreal Canadiens top line: 10’6”
- Number of times Ottawa Senator fans regret trading Dany Heatley: 0
- Commentators that tell us that “the Kings are a young team with a lot of potential”: 54981516818.2 times
- Number of times Don Cherry reminds everyone that he’s a racist: How many Hockey Night In Canada telecasts are there? That’s your over/under number.
- Times that Gary Bettman makes me embarrassed to be a hockey fan: 365 (it would be higher, but no one ever cares what he says)
- Times that Pension Plan Puppets use the word “Truculence” until New Years: 1,000
- Times that Pension Plan Puppets readers say “Fire Ron Wilson” after New Years Day: 10,000
- Times that you’ll leave a hockey game during a fight because it’s “too violent”: 0
(sidenote: if you pick the over on this, then you can leave now. VFMS might not be your brand of vodka)
- Elbows Chris Pronger throws at Sidney Crosby’s head: 1. It only takes one.
- Handbags Sean Avery purchases to bring out his eyes: 29 (one for every team that hates him)
- Times I’ll throw something at the TV because Brian Hayward complains about officiating: It would require imaginary numbers, yet I’m still going with the over. Imagine the “sideways 8” here
- Goals for John Tavares this season: Enough to have the Lighthouse Project approved.
- Number of fans that fall asleep in Jacque Lemaire’s first game back in New Jersey: 17,625
- Commercials featuring Sidney Crosby in the average NHL Network game: 87
- Number of Staals that play in the NHL this season (Stolls do not count): 3.5
- Golf outings the St. Louis Blues take as a team: 1. Again, it only takes one.
- Games played by Marian Gaborik: 7.5 (a million for every game played)
- Points the San Jose Sharks finish the season with: 105
- Playoffs series the San Jose Sharks win: 0
- Stanley Cups Marian Hossa will win in Chicago during his 12 year contract: 0 (besides, everyone knows he’ll only play 8 or 9 years anyway)
- Games the Islanders will win all season: Pi
- Games the Avalanche win all season: Pi x 2
- Fights between the Bruins and Flyers in the Winter Classic: 48 (in honor of the only man that won’t be fighting)
- Defensemen on the Vancouver Canucks roster on opening day: 17
- Goaltenders on the New York Islanders roster on opening day: 17
- Alexander Frolov trade rumors: 48 (Vegas said 24 isn’t realistic)
- Times that your humble VFMS writer admits he has a man-crush on Jarome Iginla: 20 (in October)
- Times your humble VFMS writer will speak in the 3rd person: 20 (in October)
- Games the Coyotes play in Hamilton: 0