Much has been made of NBC’s decision-making abilities in regards to hockey and the Olympics. The Peacock has made no secret of their preference for figure skating and ice dancing over Canada’s national sport. It’s one of those situations that sucks—there’s no other way to put it. NBC has made a conscious effort to appeal to women and the broadest cross-section of viewers possible. It’s understandable. It’s their job.
Notice who their target audience is: viewers. Not hockey fans; and not even sports fans. They have their formulas and spreadsheets that tell them that ice dancing is a better sell to the masses than a USA/Canada hockey game. We can agree to disagree, but that’s a different post for a different time.
Instead, I’d rather focus on why those all-important polls, surveys and sample groups are wrong. It doesn’t seem like something that needs to be pointed out—but apparently one of the United States’ biggest networks needs it spelled out for them. It’s with this in mind that I humbly submit a laundry list of reasons why hockey is better than figure skating.
- Because TWO separate shootouts in front of cheering fans are better than quads and triples.
- Because the athletes decide their own fate, not a panel of judges.
- Because Jack motha fuckin’ Johnson sounds better than Patrick motha fuckin’ Chan.
- Because I’ve never seen a hockey player try to perform The Flying Lotus.
- Because you’ll never hear Doc Emrick say Teemoe Salami during a figure skating telecast.
- Because Alexander Ovechkin’s flaming skates are more fabulous than Johnny Weir’s see-through costumes.
- Because Hat Tricks are better than Toe Loops.
- Because of the pure, unadulterated emotion that comes out of Nashville every time Alexander Radulov touches the puck.
- Because when someone says, “This is YOUR time. Their time is done. It’s over,” I get chills.
- Because if I want to see someone spin around like a top, I’ll watch Martin Erat.
- Because in hockey, there are no costume changes.
- Because Pierre McGuire is taller than Scott Hamilton.
- Because hockey is so important, it’s broadcast on USA, CNBC, MSNBC and NBC. More is better, right?
- Because when hockey players are holding each other close in front of the net, it’s not in unison with a Celine Dion ballad.
- Because I can rock a Drew Doughty Team Canada jersey much better than sequins.
- Because I only like to watch sports on TV.
- Because going down to block a shot is more graceful than anything I’ve ever seen with a toe pick.
- Because I care more about Sean Avery’s wrist shot than I do about his fashion sense.
- Because in hockey, you don’t have to put someone’s crotch in your face.
- Because fake teeth are better than fake eyelashes
- Because 20 minutes without commercials is better than a 90 second short program followed by 5 minutes of “How to Train Your Dragon” and E-Trade commercials.
- Because when I’m watching Team Sweden and someone says, “I think they have a great defense,” I can respond with “O-du-ya?”
- Because The Jagr is a better hair style than The Hamill.
- Because when Al Michael’s says, “Do you believe in Miracles,” he’s not talking about an East German judge.
- Ovechkin-Semin-Malkin-Kovalchuk-Gonchar on a power play unit. That scares me more than an extreme close-up of a man in tight spandex.
- Because figure skating doesn’t have anyone named Tore Vikingstad.
- Because beer goes better with Sweden vs. Russia.
- Because Crosby vs. Ovechkin is better than Yevgeny Plushenko vs. Evan Lysacek.
- Because Brian Burke said so.
- Because when I write an article solely about hockey, I don’t have to look up 20 figure skaters’ names to make obscure references.
Matt Reitz is the Editor-In-Chief here at ViewFromMySeats.com and former NHL Writer for ProHockeyTalk on NBCSports. When he’s not shoving a mic in the face of NHLers or explaining why home teams should wear white, he’s usually trying to figure out what song to play next on his iPod. It’s a never-ending job.
