By no means are we marginalizing what is going on down in the Gulf. It’s a catastrophe of epic proportions that will have repercussions for not only the rest of lives, but our childrens lives. But if you want to read about the most current events concerning the Gulf nightmare, you might want to look elsewhere. I have no interest in reading any more depressing news stories about millions of gallons of crude oil shooting into our ocean. The only update that I am interested in hearing is when it’s stopped. Until then, it’s just noise.
Aside from the obvious environmental impact the oil “spill,” BP’s public relations department has given marketing professors examples of what NOT to do that will last as long as there are traces of oil in the ocean. What does this have to do with the NHL, you ask? Well, up until BP decided to wear the “black hat” for the entire planet Earth, the NHL was the best example in the world of horrendous marketing at its very worst.
So here at View From My Seats, we figured this would be the best time for Gary Bettman and the rest of the NHL to take a step back, check out the scene, and make sure that the league learns from BP’s multiple mistakes. Here are 10 helpful hints!
1. Never underestimate the power of Twitter accounts.
2. If you ever have bad news to release to the public, just make sure that you arrange for a Montreal goaltender to be traded on the same day. No one will care about your news.
3. Unless you can work out your cap issues, you’ll be screwed for years.
4. When a big story gets drawn out longer than it should, people will lose interest. We’re looking at you, Kovy.
5. If you’re going to have bad news, it’s best to have it happen in the southeast. Fewer people will hear about it. *
6. Sometimes, when you’re used to relative obscurity, it’s not always a good thing to have the media suddenly focus on you 24/7.
7. Be aware of getting yourself into financial turmoil. Once you do, the governing bodies that be will tell you how to spend your money. Oh wait…
8. If Anderson Cooper is covering you, something went tragically wrong.
9. If you really find yourself in a bind, you can depend on wealthy Hollywood directors to be there to get you out of a bind. Just make sure they directed Avatar and not Saw XVIII.
10. Always make sure that you keep your distance from the worst-case scenario. Unfortunately, BP can no longer point to the Exxon Valdez like the NHL can point to the WNBA.
* (Relax Panthers, Lightning, and Thrashers fans—it was a joke.)