Usually, our hockey obsessions and our responsible, professional lives occupy their own portions of the day. The snooze button owns the morning. Boring work and screaming customers own the rest of the morning and the majority of the afternoon. The early evening is owned by traffic… but alas, our nights are owned by our beloved hockey.
But when the NHL screws its North American fans and decides to start the season in the middle of the afternoon, we have to get a little creative to break free from the shackles of routine. Luckily, we here at VFMS have a slew of creative writers who are always happy to skip work help our readers prioritize their afternoons.
On that note, here are some helpful suggestions in the event your boss man doesn’t share your love for the puck. Keep in mind, each and every one of these ideas is better than the, “Peace out, I quit” alternative!
1. My family is in Prague and it’s imperative that I show them respect by sitting in front of the television for the next three hours.
2. You know how I’ve always said I want to visit Europe? Well, instead of asking for a month off, I’m just asking for a day.
3. Do you know the time change between here and Stockholm? Neither do I, but I feel like it’s something I should dedicate some time to figuring out.
4. You have your “Happy New Years” in January. I have mine in October.
5. Cough, say you have herpes, and insert your Eastern Europe joke of choice.
6. Some people feel the NEED to watch the Olympics. I NEED to watch the Carolina Hurricanes and Minnesota Wild.
7. As you have stated many times, Mr./Ms. Bossman, we live in a global community. I believe there is an excellent opportunity for our group to grow through the shared learning experience of the impact of global, social, cultural, and economic blending via the sport of hockey. I’d be glad to study this in depth this week (with a small group of interested volunteers) and report back to the entire group.
8. Explain that you really need the day off because when you try to watch videos at work, it buffers too much.
9. My foot hurts. Can I go home?
10. I have an emergency three-hour therapy session tomorrow at 11. Sorry for the late notice.
11. I’m actually going to need the whole day. Yes. The whole day. How the hell else am I supposed to get blind stinking drunk by the first puck drop of the season? I have to pick up right where I left off.
12. Tell your boss that you need a three-hour lunch to investigate something about a Wild Hurricane.
13. Call your boss at an ungodly early hour. Let them know you’re having car problems and the closest city that has the part you need is Stockholm. This works marginally better if you own a Volvo.
14. Call in and simply say you’re not going to show up. If you’re in Toronto in October, you won’t have to answer any further questions. Likewise, if it’s April and you’re in San Jose, you’re request will be met with full understanding.
15. And last but not least: Just say you’re staying home to watch nine hours worth of hockey six months before the playoffs begin. It’s so pathetic, it might just work.
(Editor’s Note: We will not be held accountable in the event you try one of these suggestions and wind up on the unemployment line)