In a recent and fascinating phenomenon, the NHL has seen many teams adopting more relatable “personalities” when interacting with fans on Twitter. It’s almost as if someone’s dosed them with sodium pentathol (that’s truth serum, for those of you who never watched “24”). It’s only natural that you would all wonder what it would be like if your favorite team’s Twitter account was hit with it (or they tweeted something that was supposed to be a DM).
As always, please add your own in the comments section, you probably know your team better than I do. And with that… Here. We. GO.
- How the hell are we* DOING this?! (*Teemu)
Atlanta Thrashers (because we’re all about being retro):
- We’re just two lost souls swimmin’ in a fish bowl…
- The envelope must be sealed and addressed to “Shmendan Branahan” before it’s left at the designated newsstand.
- Wow, Pegs really dodged a bullet by not buying the BU hockey program. Penn State is a much clean- oh, right.
- Seriously? 29 freakin’ teams couldn’t be bothered to part with a bag of golf tees for Derek Roy?
- This would’ve NEVER happened when Alex Ruiz was here.
- Yeah, keep all those pieces at the deadline to re-re-re-rebuild. BRILLIANT.
- I wish people would stop asking for more videos with Joey. That kid’s a total diva.
- Over/under on how many times they have to re-stock Foley & Edzo’s mini-fridge tonight?
- Hey, that Goalie Guild guy lives around here, right? Judging by his late-night tweets, he’s got GREAT weed, give him a call.
Columbus Blue Jackets:
- When he encored with Bubble Toes at HoB in Cleveland. KILLER. RT @CBJailBird: @BlueJacketsNHL Favorite Jack Johnson moment?
- Wash and wax? This Benn kid’s got some serious balls. #PeskyMyAss #BananaInTailpipe
Detroit Red Wings:
- We should send Kronwall to that kids’ skills clinic Saturday to teach them all how to leave their feet properly while delivering a hit. TROLOLOLOL
- Player poll said we’ve got the best ice again, cuz it’s like the warmest goddamn thing around here in the winter.
- OTL’s #FTW!! LOL! OMG!
Los Angeles Kings:
- Swapping for a Carter near the trade deadline? Jesus, Hollywood really is out of new ideas.
- They said we’d come back to the pack, they just didn’t say the pack would devour us like my fat older brother on my Halloween candy.
- Speaking French is actually a requirement of the I.T. department; we hate using Google Translate.
- We don’t need no stinking Nashes!
New Jersey Devils:
- Hey, just 3 more Stanley Cups and we can finally start referring to Kovalchuk’s contract without expletives in front of “ridiculous”.
New York Islanders:
- HELLOOOOOO?? This is the city that never sleeps, right?
- How long does it take to get from Nassau County to Brooklyn? #LIRRsucks
New York Rangers:
- Yeah, we know it’s sad, but teams have to make money. Soooooo, LUNDSANITY, BITCHES.
- God bless being in a division with Toronto, Buffalo, and Montreal.
- Yeah, totally LOVE our players embracing their shitty skating skills. #HartnellClown
- If a team goes undefeated at home for a month in Phoenix but nobody was in the building, it still DOES register in the standings! Who knew?!
- Coyotes undefeated month : Phoenix :: Tree : Empty forest
- “Cindy” WHO?! Haaaaahahahahahah! #GenoMITE!
San Jose Sharks:
- WHERE THE F**K DID THE COYOTES COME FROM??
St. Louis Blues:
- Just wait, our regression is coming. It made a pit stop in Minnesota.
Tampa Bay Lightning:
- We DO have Steven freaking Stamkos, RIGHT? #RolOTFLMAOson
Toronto Maple Leafs:
- Just read #TMLtalk. We might be our own best trolls. Wasn’t @felixpotvin one of us, once?
- Aw shit, GMMG traded CoHo, someone check the #Traymond hashtag for death threats.
- LOOK AT ALL THESE ADVANCE STATS OUR PLAYERS SHOULD WIN ALL THE AWARDS (not applicable during playoffs, obviously)
- Ovechkin: the non-concussed NHL-ebrity
- Yeahhhhhh, we’re still the Thrashers. You all know that, right?