“You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.”
I’ve always had an active imagination. My dreams, both while sleeping and awake have never ceased to amaze and somewhat frighten me at times. The one I had last week, however, was incredibly vivid, and involved many, many people whom I have never met, but only engaged through social media, mainly Twitter. It was sparked by a discussion between myself, Ace, and a few others, mainly about how we’d rather see some of our mutual Twitter pals call/discuss the ongoing NHL action as opposed to some of the people actually paid to do it on our respective networks (NBC Sports Network, CBC, TSN, etc…). There’s also probably something to be said for the fact that many nights I catch up on the Marek vs. Wyshynski podcast as I drift off to sleep and sometimes wake myself by dropping my phone on my face having dozed off mid-tweet.
So it’s probably no surprise that this dream was pretty much a live panel of many of the folks I follow on Twitter who provide me with much entertainment throughout the hockey season and beyond. The best part about it was that it was a dream, and everyone was a caricature of themselves as they appear to me through their tweets, Twitter avatar, and blog posts.
I’d say I’m sorry if I offend anyone, but I’m really not: you’ve done this to yourselves.
Maybe because it was his tweet that lit the flame on this thing, or because he has such a beautiful yapper as his picture, but Ace was kind of the moderator, introducing everyone. It was a bit muddled, and I didn’t really get a sense of who was there until they spoke up, but he appeared to me in the only image of him I’ve ever seen: as Indiana Jones with a beer in hand. It was only natural that he be in charge. Also, for no reason that I can really comprehend, he kept referring to Cam Charron as “short rounds”. I mean, I get the reference, but I have no idea why my brain chose him as that persona. Sorry, Cam..?
Speaking of our favorite Canucks bloggers, Cam, Thomas Drance, and the one known as Tinfoil Tuque were off in their own corner of the room with (and stay with me here) David Spade’s character from Tommy Boy. Yes, they were in the area referred to as “the nerdery”. Hey, you talk enough about fancy stats, this is what you get. (Editor’s Note: Hackett doesn’t like numbers and he doesn’t like the Canucks. His views are his views alone… sort of.)
Ellen Etchingham was there as well, cranking out ridiculously complex and intelligent blog posts faster than Justin Bourne could tweet them. The weird thing is, she was doing it on a typewriter and flinging the pages behind her for Bourne to catch, then publish. The problem was, Bourne had brought his cats. All 75 of them. And he was playing with them in what I can only assume was his NHL/cat equivalent of Super Bowl Sunday’s Puppy Bowl Arena. I was, and still am, incredibly fascinated by this. No worries as Laura (aka @TheActiveStick) was there with the assist. From what I can tell, Laura runs Ellen’s “fan” account. If I miss a tweet or blog post from Ellen, Laura’s always got me covered.
Dave Lozo was in attendance, of course he was. Everyone loves him because he makes us all laugh. But the only thing he did all night was yell at people for not acknowledging the pause between the words “under” and “way” when announcing the start of the game and/or period. I’m serious. That’s all he did. Wait, he also made a joke about Pierre LeBrun looking like Ricky Gervais.
Chemmy from Pension Plan Puppets spent his entire night telling people he wasn’t the REAL Felix Potvin. No one fucking believed him.
Everyone’s favorite troll, Ryan Lambert, was there too. He didn’t really add much to the discussion, he was mainly looking for bands that no one had ever heard of so he could extol their greatness to the masses. Also, he would randomly yell all the insults being lobbed at him in the voice of those doing so. Apparently he does that a lot.
Lambert and Chris Peters were fighting each other to take pulls off these bottles. No joke.
Our friends from The Royal Half were hard at work in their own little corner with scissors, glue, and construction paper, and would occasionally hold up a reconstituted picture with their watermark and “Because It’s the Cup” in the corner for everyone to laugh at and pass around to all their friends. They also kept asking everyone “AreTheKingsInTheNextRound.com yet?”
Greg Wyshynski spent most of the night defending the eulogies. “I DON’T WRITE ALL OF THE FUC- oh forget it, no one reads the goddamn headers, anyway.”
In between fighting off Blackhawks and Red Wings fans accusing him of being a homer to the other team, Brian Hedger was…well, responding to every tweet he gets because that’s what makes him so fun. As long as it doesn’t interfere with him bringing Tim Horton’s to Chicago, because that’s his REAL crusade.
So yeah, welcome to my twisted, hockey psyche. I know that it’s kinda (read completely, ridiculously) messed up that I dream about these things, but I know you do too. Don’t lie.
Can the goddamn Stanley Cup Finals just start now?
-Hackett
You can find me regularly at ryanhackett.wordpress.com. Far too infrequent contributor at View From My Seats, Packers fan in enemy territory, boozehound. Jim Gaffigan signed my forehead. What can I say? I am The Prescient One.
